Here's where we are starting . . .

My July meeting with my midwife was productive. She ran a lot of tests - both blood work and cervix cultures to rule out any number of common culprits behind miscarriage. Unfortunately, neither of my chemical pregnancies was "documented" so I need another loss before my insurance will cover any further testing/investigation.

So after a cycle off, we were told to keep trying. She also highly recommended acupuncture.

I started acupuncture and all my blood and lab work came back normal.

My acupuncturists told me twice that I should look further into my thyroid numbers - that I present as someone who may have hypothyroidism. So I dug out the results that were sent to me in the mail and did my own googling around. Bad idea - Dr. Google never provides any comfort, but is wonderful at providing lots of additional worries.

My TSH levels are just slightly above 3. Which by many standards are normal. But that's a debatable standard as many endocrinologists view anything above 3 as abnormal. And by TTC standards, it's well outside the bounds of what many reproductive endocrinologists consider ideal. Most REs say the optimal TSH level of a woman TTC is between 1 - 2 and anything above 2.5 is associating with problems getting or staying pregnant.

I called my midwife to discuss this information and while she said that my TSH levels are slightly elevated, it's not to a level she is concerned about. And I must say, that when you use Dr. Google, you will find stories of women with numbers at 9 or above. So I do understand why something just above 3 isn't overly alarming to her . . . however, I have lost my last 3 pregnancies. So I am concerned about this. God forbid our next pregnancy end in another loss, this will be my first topic of conversation with an RE.

We went through our cycle off, and started our 7th cycle since we started TTC in February. It wasn't an optimal cycle for baby making, so I'll be beyond shocked if this cycle works for us.

I am going to acupuncture every week and trying to relax as much as possible, knowing full well that it could be 2 or 3 (or more) cycles before we are lucky enough to even get pregnant again.

I have a lot of anxiety over another positive pregnancy test. I want it more than anything. I want a sibling for our son. I want a bigger family. But I also am afraid of how much more emotional heartache I can take over another loss. At the very least, another loss will send us to a specialist where we might be able to get more answers.

For now, I just hope and pray for a chance at another healthy and successful pregnancy.

I thought baby making was easy.

When you look at our timeline for our first child, you would think that baby making was easy. It was easy. We tried for one cycle, immediately got pregnant, I had a very easy pregnancy, and a very uncomplicated (albeit long) labor and delivery. Our healthy son was born in December 2009.

Then in May 2010, 5 months post-partum, and still breastfeeding around the clock - I got pregnant again!?!?!?! We surely weren't trying, and were barely having enough sex for it to even be possible.

We are just lucky fertile people, right?

Ha.

In July 2010, I miscarried. Which under the sleep-deprived-constant-breastfeeding circumstances, I'm not sure is really that much of a shock. My body couldn't do both. And we weren't even close to being emotionally ready for another child.

In February 2011 we started actively TTC our second child. Given our previous track record, I anticipated a quick road to pregnancy.

7 months, and 2 chemical pregnancies later I'm not sure where this TTC road is going to take us - or if we will end up with another child.

But I have definitely learned one thing. Creating life is a gift, a miracle, a blessing - and most certainly not easy.