Hi, and welcome. This blog has changed a bit recently. My husband and I fought through 4 consecutive losses to get our second healthy child (born in December 2012) . . . and while we had not shut the door on the idea of another pregnancy, we certainly were leaning in that direction. On August 8, 2014, we found out we are pregnant for the 7th time. A total surprise. So the neurotic journey continues . . . third child or fifth loss . . . I'm scared and confused and just a teensy bit excited . . .

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Drugs

For those of you who know how hyper-sensitive I am to unnecessary medications and pregnancy, this should give you an idea of how sick I am. Today I have consumed (as frequently as allowable): Mucinex, Tylenol, Sudafed, and too many Halls cough drops to count.

The cough is bad and annoying. But this pressure that has moved into my head is debilitating. I can not stand up or move without wincing in pain as the congestion shifts around my head. My eyes and cheeks feel like they are going to explode off my face.

Thank goodness I have a regular appointment tomorrow morning. I need to touch base about being this sick. It can't be ideal for me or the baby.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Sick sucks

Well I can say that I haven't yet coughed out a baby. But I can confirm that it is possible to cough until you throw up - numerous times. Including standing out in the yard waiting for your dog to pee.

Good freakin times.

And unless my child dramatically improves in the next 5-6 hours he'll be home again with me tomorrow too.

Of course Hurricane Sandy is predicted to blow us all off the map sometime in the next 48 hours, so I guess we'd be stuck at home anyway.

For anyone else in the path of Sandy - stay safe!

Friday, October 26, 2012

It was time to slow down anyway...

Shit. I'm sick. Probably predictable with a sick kid and as little resting as I've been doing.

So today is a sit on my ass and watch TV with the kid day. And hope I don't cough out a baby . . . Which I actually have feared is possible over the last 12 hours.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

I need to sleep.

I am an emotional disaster. I asked a dear friend today to come to the hospital when baby brother is born to photograph some of the most important first moments of his life. Not necessarily his birth. But I want - NEED - the moment where my 2 children meet to be captured. It is a moment that I can not imagine without the tears flowing. I have cried about this moment about 6 times already today.

Then a phone solicitor woke (scared) my sick son up from his nap. And he woke up wailing, "Mommy. Mommy. The phone scared me. Hold me Mommy. Hold me like a baby." And I cried. Because he's sick. Because some asshole woke him up from a nap he desperately needed. And because the days when he wants to be held like a baby are almost gone.

And my friend just found out her cat has cancer and I can't help but think about my childhood dog - who was undoubtedly one of the greatest dogs of all times.

And because it took me 50 minutes to drive 4 freakin miles this morning in our glorious metro traffic.

I cry over anything right now. I'm sure pregnancy hormones get most of the blame. But so does being tired. Yet I lay here in bed awake contemplating going to work on my painting project in the nursery. Because no matter how hard I try, I just can't slow down.

27 weeks

Today I am 27 weeks pregnant and I am home with a really sick toddler.

Poor little dude.

As for those 37 1/2 hours I thought I was going to have to myself between now and Oct 31. Well, as always, being a mom is more important.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A million miles an hour

You know people who say "I could never stay at home and let someone else take care of my kids. I'd be bored to death." Yeah. Who are these people???

I have 5 days left of my "free" time and the list of things to do just keeps growing by the day.

Think I'm exaggerating? Here's a lit of what I've done in the last two days:

Grocery shopped
Prepped dinners for the next week
Baked pumpkin bars (for selfish reasons)
Two loads of dishes
Two loads of laundry
Hung a mirror
Hung two shelves
Swapped out end tables in two rooms
Removed old blinds (with stripped screws which required using a crowbar among other tools)
Installed new blinds
Shopped for some new lamps
Bought and tried 7 different paint samples for a stripe project I'm working on

And that's just been between the hours of 8:00am and 3:30pm.

That doesn't include my normal mom stuff that happens before we leave for school at 7:30am or after we get home at 4:30pm.

And on top of that - stating the obvious here - I'm 6 months pregnant. And slowing down. My back hurts. My feet hurt. My weight gain so far is great compared to my first pregnancy at this point - so that's not the problem. I just can't do this much stuff without feeling the consequences. I don't think I'm "over doing" it. I just think I'm reaching the maximum limit of what I can safely do.

And I'm tired. Really tired. And I have 5 more "me" days with 7 1/2 glorious hours a day to spend doing whatever it is that I want or need to do. How much can I accomplish in 37 1/2 hours? Unfortunately the answer is going to be: Not nearly enough.

Monday, October 22, 2012

26 weeks and a few days

Thursday was 26 weeks so I guess I'm now closer to 27 weeks. Third trimester starts, um, TOMORROW?!?!?

The long and short of things lately is that I've been staying off the Internet. Trying to maximize my month at home. It's working - the nursery has been transformed! It's amazing. Some things have come out better than I expected. Some things not as well. But it's progress so it's good.

We had our 26 week ultrasound Thursday. It was okay. Definitely not bad. But not the "everything is perfect" ultrasounds we've been having. At 19 weeks almost all of the baby's measurements were a week to 10 days ahead. Now many of the measurements are right on track. One is almost a week behind (can't remember which one). And then there is his head which was measuring 29w3d. Aside from the "holy shit" aspect of having to get out an unusually large head, the proportion of his growth over the last 7 weeks is a little concerning.

The there is the amount of amniotic fluid. It's too high. Not by a lot. But it is outside the range of normal. (It was normal at 19 weeks.) I refuse to google this issue. Refuse. Nothing good can come from google at this point. The MFM doc said it could be a sign of diabetes (I'll be tested again on Oct 31). Or it could be something wrong with the baby - as it's his job to keep the right amount of fluid in balance by both swallowing and peeing. Or, just like everything else it seems, it could be nothing. Joy of joys.

It's like a blessing and a curse. Smart doctors, great technology, and close monitoring. It's wonderful to know that they are on top of this stuff. At the same time I have to wonder if knowing too much just makes me worry. I definitely prefer knowing. I wouldn't trade it for the alternative. But yikes, I'm tired of worrying.

So on that note, MFM wants me back for a 30 week ultrasound. That will be ultrasound #9 in case you've lost count.

Sigh. I'm tired. And I just want to know that this little boy is going to get here safely. I'm really tired.

Monday, October 15, 2012

October 15th. A day to remember.

Did you know that today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day?  Did you know that 1 in 4 women will experience pregnancy loss?  

While this blog has turned into a rather ordinary pregnancy journal, I'm sure it's easy to forget why this blog is here.  As I blissfully plow through my to-do list for "baby brother" (which may become his official name), I remember where my life was a year ago.  I was here.  With blissfully wonderful betas, 5 weeks pregnant, and hoping beyond hope that our 5th pregnancy would be our second child.  A few weeks later we would see that baby with a glorious heartbeat.  And then a few weeks later we would lose that baby too.  Was that baby a boy or a girl?  Was there something wrong with that baby?  Or was that baby as perfect as this one and my body failed me?  

"Baby brother" is such a wonderful miracle.  But he doesn't take the grief away.  In some way shape or form, I have gotten attached (for no matter how short a time period) to 4 other pregnancies between our son and "baby brother" and had to say goodbye to all of them. 

So today this blog is not about my pregnancy, it's about my journey.  The pain.  The grief.  The very real depression.  Whether you realize it or not, someone around you has likely felt the same pain.  Today is a day for the 1 in 4.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Wowsa!

I feel like we might be on the rebound from the chaos!!! Both dressers that needed to come out of the nursery are out! The master bedroom storage closet (translation - it had lots of shelves) has been unloaded and the shelves have been removed. We've purchased the hardware to turn it into a standard hanging clothes closet and that hardware will be installed as soon as the closet gets a coat of paint and some holes from the previous shelves patched (a project my mom will tackle in no time flat).

The ONLY thing in the nursery right now other than piles (still waiting to either be boxed for Goodwill or to be hung in the new master BR closet) is the queen size bed . . . And that's staying in the room!

I don't want to lie . . . It's all still a hot mess. There is still a ton to be done. It's still overwhelming to see the piles that need to be sorted and boxed up. But seeing that nursery clear out is therapeutic. It reminds me that this isn't just an exercise in cleaning and organization. It's getting our home ready for the 2nd baby we many times wondered if we'd ever have. How lucky are we???

Friday, October 12, 2012

Productivity

Why am I blogging and not working on getting stuff done around the house?  Because I feel like if I make one more trip up and down our stairs I might pass out.  I swear you have never seen so much junk in your life.

Aside from measuring for blinds this morning for both the nursery and our master bedroom, I have managed to clean out the entire nursery closet and a cedar chest in our bedroom.  (The cedar chest is leaving our bedroom, because we need to fit a dresser from the guest room in there.)

In the process, I've found a home for everything that needs to stay in our living space, and I've set aside a moving box of clothes, a moving box of shoes, a garbage bag of shoes, and 3 garbage bags of blankets/linens for Goodwill.  I've also grown our trash pile significantly.

And holy crap - I'm exhausted.  I really really really want to move that cedar chest out of our bedroom and move one of the dressers from the nursery in so I can start loading it up with my clothes (that are currently in multiple piles all over the place), but I'm already having a few BH contractions . . . and I think my husband might disown me if I try to move furniture by myself right now.

So here I sit.  Trying to catch my breath and figure out what to do in the next 3 hours I have before I pick up my son.  I suppose I will go make more piles that will find homes once the furniture gets moved around . . .

Thursday, October 11, 2012

25 Weeks

25 weeks!  13 1/2 inches long and 1 1/2 pounds.

I had grand plans of writing earlier today.  Of course I had grand plans to do a lot of things that didn't revolve around cleaning up after a sick dog.  The dog had other plans for me.

I had my 24 week appointment yesterday and everything seems to be going great.  Baby boy's heart beat was thumping away between 155-160 bpm, and just a day shy of 25 weeks my uterus is measuring 26 weeks . . . so all seems well in baby land.  How are things in mommy land?  Well I am gaining weight too rapidly, but my midwives are very understanding about there only being so much I can do about it.  Interestingly enough, he must have changed positions over night - because my belly was noticeably much flatter today than it has been in a while.  If I tried really hard to suck it in, I could almost pass for just fat instead of pregnant.  (And in case you missed the 24 week picture - that has NOT been the norm lately.)  Whatever part of him that has been protruding so much for the last week or two has moved around a bit - which is fine with me!  

We have an ultrasound a week from today to make sure everything is still going well.  I'm very excited to see him again.

How are things coming with that pesky nursery project?  Well, they are coming.  Again, I had plans for today to be a productive day and it was not.  And yesterday wasn't great either as a chunk of my day was taken up with my appointment.  The 2 dressers in the nursery have been completely emptied - with one box of stuff going to the trash, one box to Goodwill, one box to our basement for storage, and the rest of the stuff needing to find a new home in our other living spaces.  Unused/un-maximized space in my son's closet has been freed up, and everything that my husband had in the guest room closet will move to the extra space in my son's room (likely tomorrow).  My husband doesn't need his stuff that often, so having it in a room where a child sleeps is not an issue for him.  Unfortunately, the guest room closet happens to be my primary closet, so my stuff will have to come out and move to a closet in our room - a closet that currently has a lot of my husband's junk in it.  Sigh.  It feels like a lot of just moving stuff from here to there . . . but I suppose that's what happens when you add a new person who needs their own space.

I ordered all the fabrics I should need for the nursery for the most part and a couple new sewing accessories for some projects I hope to accomplish.  My mom is coming on Sunday and I really really really hope we are able to make next week MUCH more productive than this week has been.

My insomnia is back with a terrible vengeance and I am contemplating taking a benadryl here one night soon if it doesn't improve.  There is only so much sleep deprivation I can take right now.  I'm not a fan of medicating while pregnant - but I am getting desperate for just one night of solid decent sleep.  Oh and that TMI problem from yesterday - no progress . . .

I guess that's all for now . . . More to follow soon as I make more nursery progress and we have our ultrasound next week!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

TMI

I did have a doctor's appointment today, and I'll write about that tomorrow in my 25 week update. But tonight I'm restless and obsessing about poop. Yep. Stop right there if you don't want to hear any more.

Sunday morning at the grocery store I bought a HUGE package of spinach. The biggest package you can buy at our grocery store and about half the size of a Costco bag. As of today I have eaten it all. Every last leaf of it in 3 days. And I have not pooped. Not in 3 days - actually longer than that - maybe closer to a week.

This can not be normal. Not by a long shot. But certainly explains why I'm packing on crazy pounds despite eating a fairly balanced diet most days.

The things they never tell you about pregnancy...

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Day 1

So today is day 1 of my "me time."  Technically that should have been yesterday, but my son's school was closed for Columbus Day/Teacher In-Service Day.  I am about to go shut myself in the guest room/nursery and am afraid I may never come out.  Unfortunately the room looks fine now and will look like a tornado hit it once closets and dressers start getting emptied.  Sigh.  I HATE this part of organization.  I am an immediate gratification person - I want to see progress after a few hours of work, and unfortunately this is one of those projects that likely won't be gratifying for days and days.

It should be a very interesting couple of weeks around here . . .

Saturday, October 6, 2012

24 Weeks (again, a couple days late)

It's been an interesting week.  I'm finally getting over my sickness and I'm officially jobless?!?!?!?!  This is a little bit crazy to me, as I have not been jobless since I graduated from college (and even had jobs on and off working through college).  It feels odd.  Mostly good, but odd.

Nothing at all pregnancy related to report, except that my weight is on a rampage and I feel huge.  I knew it was coming, and it's only going to get much more extreme.  I'm fully expecting a weight lecture from my midwives next week.  Grand total at this point is like 15 pounds I think . . . Which means I have MORE than caught up for only being up 3-4 pounds at 12 weeks.  Oh well, what can you do?  I've been for the most part eating very balanced meals and not binging on many cravings at all, so I'm not going to worry about it.  I can't very well diet, so for now it is what it is.

Baby boy is a ninja in training.  I swear, for having an anterior placenta, he's crazy.  Much crazier than I anticipated.  But it's good.  I just told a coworker (er, ex-coworker) yesterday that movements have really saved my sanity - because this little one is very consistently active.

I did take a picture this week, but not in the standard format I have been taking them.  My husband wanted a real picture of me, so I obliged.  However, because I plan to keep this blog anonymous, I'm chopping my head off to share here.



See?  Not an exaggeration when I talk about the growth spurt we both seem to be having?!?!?!?!?!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

About that to-do list . . .

Holy crap - time is slipping away and my procrastination is about to bite me in the butt!!!  My husband and I were talking about it last night.  I'm still trying to kick a miserable awful cold/cough - so I'm taking it easy for now.  He's out of town this weekend.  And then guess what happens next weekend?  My mom comes into town to paint the nursery?!?!?!  When she found out I was going to be off in October with my son still in school, she volunteered to come up for a week to help with nursery stuff that might be more than I can do on my own.

So um, she'll be here in 10 days, my husband is out of town for 3 of those days and the nursery is a TOTAL disaster.  Not to mention I've changed the original plan of what I thought I wanted in there and don't even know what color I want to paint it now.

Accomplishments of this morning . . . I've ordered the art I think I want to use in that room in small 1 hour prints from Costco to see if the colors are going to coordinate, and I've ordered fabric swatches of the fabrics I think I want to use.  The prints will be available today.  The fabric is coming snail-mail from Arizona, so hopefully it will get here next week in time for me to see how it all looks together and/or change my mind 5 more times before my mom shows up.

Now I have to balance a crap ton of cleaning, sorting, trying on clothes to figure out if they need to go in the closet or in the basement, etc with making sure I don't overdo it because I have got to kick this miserable cough.

Should be an interesting week and a half . . .

Monday, October 1, 2012

Hello October

Is it really October?  Is it really possible that we conceived this baby 6 months ago and he will be here in 3 months?  Granted, I'm due towards the end of January, so it's closer to 4 months, but the fact is that January is a mere 3 months away.  3 months to tie up loose ends at my job (well that will happen this week), get into a routine of being a stay-at-home mom, turn an overcrowded guest room into a nursery, celebrate Thanksgiving, have my son's 3rd birthday (?!?!?!), celebrate Christmas and New Years, and then welcome home a baby boy.

I think it's going to be here before we know it!!!!!!  And that list doesn't include little things like my husband being out of  town here and there, Halloween, etc.

We paid for my son's last month of tuition on Friday so I have 1 month before he is home with me all day long.  I need October to be remarkably productive.  Unfortunately I'm still sick, so I'm trying to start slow.  I don't want to over-do it, as I really need to kick this chest cold before it turns into something more serious.

Here's my current list of things that I hope to accomplish in October:

Guest room:
   - Clean out dressers
   - Clean out closet
   - Clean carpet
   - Paint
   - Install blinds and curtains

Master bedroom:
   - Install blinds and curtains
   - Swap dressers with guest room
   - Convert storage closet to clothes closet

My office:
   - Organize
   - Purge work files
   - Set up couponing system
   - Organize camera gear

Toddler stuff:
   - Organize crafts
   - Set up daily schedule
   - Find local activities

Baby stuff:
   - Start to sort stuff from basement

Mommy time:
   - Exercise at least 4 times a week

Easy enough list, right?  Ha.  It's going to be a hectic and busy month!