6 weeks

No news is good news, right? I am 6 weeks pregnant today and I have nothing to report. Several days ago I was having very strong period-like cramps and thought for sure it was going to be over. But those have gone away thank goodness.

Unfortunately I don't have many real pregnancy symptoms to report yet either. But no news is good news.

11 days until my appointment. I think this may be the second slowest 11 days in my life - second to only the end of my first pregnancy.

954 and 5 Weeks

The 4th beta came in at 954. This is a doubling time of 49 hours. I hate to see it slowing down, but I have to remind myself anything between 48 - 72 hours is good AND once you get to 1,200 the range of normal slows to 72-96 hours. So it makes sense that as I'm getting close to 1,200 that they will slow down. But I still hate to see it slow down.

So yesterday I was 5 weeks pregnant. This marks the furthest I've been in pregnancy since my miscarriage in 2010. I wish I felt more pregnant. The initial queasiness I had is totally gone. I'm fairly crampy, and my boobs hurt from time to time, and I'm just now starting to feel really tired. But I want to really feel pregnant.

I just need to be patient. Our first appointment and ultrasound are on October 31st. It is going to be a stressful morning. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for the worst, while at the same time not putting a damper on my spirit for the next couple weeks.

As I told my best friend yesterday . . . over the next 2 1/2 weeks, no news is good news.

484!

Beta #3 was 484! This is outstanding news. I didn't have any blood draws over the weekend, so the calculation from 65 to 484 is based on a 4 day period instead of 2 days, but the increase is still excellent. Doubling time of approximately every 33 hours.

Beta #4 was drawn yesterday and I will get the results today.

All signs point toward good things. But I must admit that I have been a little down over the last 24 hours. Thinking about everything that could still go wrong. Thinking about the possibility that this may be another pregnancy that doesn't work.

I am trying not to dwell on the bad stuff too much.

I am 5 weeks pregnant today, and for that, I am forever thankful!

65!!!

My 48 hour beta was 65!!! That is awesome - a doubling time of just under 20 hours!!!

Progesterone also made a huge jump from 14 to 21 which is also excellent.

It's not quite time to relax. I have more betas today and Wednesday. If those continue to look good, then I will have an ultrasound in 3 weeks.

For now, I am still hopeful. Cautious, nervous, and scared - but hopeful.

Line Progression (aka - Where I Prove My Psychosis)

Having no control over this process, and having to wait and wait and wait is hard enough when you aren't scared to death of a miscarriage. When you have had a loss, the waiting game and the inability to have any control over the outcome becomes damn near paralyzing.

I kid you not, if I could take my blood at home, I would. But I can't. So what do I do? I pee on sticks.

Here we have 10, 11, and 12 dpo.



A normal person would say, "Holy crap, that's a dark line for 12dpo." I know. That's a really dark line for 12dpo. My period isn't even late yet.

But in my head, this turns into, "Shit. Why didn't the line get a lot darker between 11 and 12 dpo?" Seeing the jump between 10 and 11dpo was so calming to my fears. Seeing the very modest (barely there) increase between 11 and 12dpo, has got me teetering on the edge of freaking out.

My doctor's office closes at noon tomorrow - so I will have my 2nd beta results in about 24 hours.

Nerves

I know it's all out of my hands. I know that worrying about my thyroid issue isn't going to change either my thyroid numbers or the outcome of this pregnancy. I have done everything my doctor asked of me, including the acupuncture (every single week since July). We agreed that we would give another pregnancy a chance before moving onto next steps. So why am I so terrified of my blood draw today? Like tears streaming down my face terrified.

First Beta

12.5.

Individual numbers are neither bad nor good - it's all about the doubling time. So based on the progression of my tests over the last couple days, I'm not freaking out yet. That being said, the range of normal is something like 5-300 . . . and I was really hoping for something higher than 12.5.

How am I going to keep myself busy between now and Friday???????

Edited to add: Progesterone level was 14.

Just because I can

I am all too aware of how quickly you can go from being excited about being pregnant to being devastated about losing a pregnancy. So, while I can, I'm going to enjoy every one of these tests I take.

Yesterday's test is on top, the bottom test is from today.



And I've always wanted to take a digital.

I feel like sh*t and it's wonderful

Okay, so feeling like sh*t is never wonderful. But I took my prenatals this morning and I already feel like they are going to come back up.

I had terrible morning sickness with my first pregnancy, moderate morning sickness with the miscarriage, and even with the very short chemical pregnancies I had some queasiness. It seems as though I am one of those people who is very sensitive to even the lowest amounts of HCG.

But if feeling this bad so early means those numbers are rising quickly - I'll take it. I'll take it every day for 9 months.

Friday's blood results can not come soon enough.

It's real

Wow.


First blood draw is this afternoon. Second one will be Thursday. Fingers crossed. Please let us keep this one.

The Faintest of Faint Lines

It's 9dpo and yes, I'm a test-a-holic. Today I had multiple tests with faint lines. So faint that my husband would call me crazy. Squint and hold it in the right kind of light type lines. But they are there. They are the right size, in the right location, and they have color. They are also on "internet cheapies" which are notorious for wicked evap lines even when read in the appropriate time window.

So I'm cautiously, dare I say, optimistic. Lines are surely better than no lines. If the lines are darker tomorrow, I will buy some real tests. If those are positive, I'll tell my husband. And from there, I'll call my doctor towards the end of the week once my period is officially late.

Most people would be jumping up and down. But, I've been down this road before. I feel good. I feel calm. Not worried. Not anxious. But not excited and happy either.

Just ready to see what the next couple of days bring.

Phantom Symptoms

Oh the joys of being 8 dpo on our 8th cycle. The problem is that I've been pregnant enough times now (4 if you are keeping count) - to know that I have very early symptoms.

The other problem is that because I KNOW I have early symptoms I analyze the heck out of every pain and twinge I have in the 2 week wait. And we all know I'm crazy - so I have no idea how many of these things are psychosomatic vs. real.

Here's what's going on for me right now that is not typical for being just over half way through my luteal phase:
- Tingly breasts.
- Non-period like lower abdominal cramps and pains.
- Freezing cold hands and feet.
- Queasiness.
- Wild emotional swings.
- More cervical mucus than I would expect.
- Backaches.

And as crazy as I am, I KNOW that my head could be playing tricks on me. There could be 5 million reasons I am experiencing all of these things that have nothing to do with pregnancy. (Stress being the first one that comes to mind.)

It's going to be a long and sucky 5-6 days.