39w3d

Well I'm not the raging bitch I was yesterday.  Today I'm a sobbing disaster. My hormones are so fucked up right now I can't even stand myself.

I had an appointment yesterday afternoon.  I'm 3cm dilated and very soft.  I was told to do a lot of walking yesterday - that just the combo of the internal exam and walking *could* be enough to put me into early labor.  I walked 3 miles - half of them pushing a stroller.  I contracted a lot and felt like he was for sure going to claw his way out.  And after a night of being up 3 times with my toddler and getting almost no sleep at all, I have cried for most of the day today - as my uterus is as calm as ever.  

Honestly, a repeat c-section that includes a tubal ligation isn't sounding half bad right now.  

Between the hormones and the physical pain I am falling apart.  

38w3d

So this has been an awesome week.  Insert sarcastic eyeroll here.

My oldest (who was out of school all last week for Spring Break), was diagnosed with croup on Monday and has been out of school all week.  Doctor said he can go back tomorrow.  So he has been home spreading his germs to the 2 year old.  

Our kitchen is under full remodel right now.  Our new cabinets have been installed (yippee), but our granite is delayed so we have no running water in the kitchen right now and are not sure exactly when we are going to get that back.  Sigh.  Feeding a family of 4 in a kitchen without a working surface and running water is, um, interesting.  Im over it.

And I had my 38 week appointment yesterday.  Sadly, baby boy seems completely comfortable inside.  No signs of labor or even that he is starting to descent into my pelvis.  I won't lie, I cried a lot yesterday.  I'm so done.  I know it's still early to get worked up about the 41.4 c-section date.  I just feel like this kid is going to hang out for the long haul.  And as someone who has never been pregnant for longer than 39.2 (and had a 9lb 10oz baby to show for it), I'm scared.  Terrified.  I could barely walk by 39.1 when my water broke in my first pregnancy.  I have to take care of two kids through the end of this one.  I am reaching the end of my emotional sanity.  (Arguably some people would probably say I already reached it.)  I just fear how many more days I can put one foot in front of the other without a total meltdown.  :(

38w

Well, here we are.  14 days from my due date.  25 days away from "surgical eviction."  On the one hand, I suppose that means the end is in sight.  On the other hand, HOLY SHIT 25 days is almost another month away and 39w1d is the longest I've ever been pregnant (well labor started 39.1, he was born 39.2), and he weighed 9lb 10oz.  The idea of being pregnant for 25 more days makes me want to vomit.  :(

I went for a walk yesterday.  Owwwww.  Just getting my tennis shoes on felt like it was going to put me into labor.  (And wasn't very pleasant for my swollen feet either.)  I walked for about 30 minutes and let me tell you, for a baby who hasn't dropped yet, he beat the shit out of my cervix.  There were times the cervix pain almost took my breath away.  

Not sure how much more walking I will attempt.  

For the 5th night in a row, I was super crampy before bed.  Pretty sure I even had 2-3 real contractions last night.  And now I'm back to "normal."  Full term pregnancy is SUCH a mind game.

38 week appointment is on Wednesday.  Million dollar question - have the internal exam or decline it?  Leaning towards declining it, but we will see . . .

37w5d and 20lbs

I'm still here.  Still pregnant.  No signs of labor whatsoever.  Baby still riding high.  At the end of the day I feel very crampy (period-like), but I think it's just my body being grumpy about being 36 years old, full term pregnant, and chasing after two other crazy boys all day long.  I've had the evening crampiness 3 nights in a row now and nothing materializes overnight and I feel completely "fine" in the morning.  (Fine being relative of course.)

I feel like I probably have another week (at least) to go.  I'm trying to be patient.  Patience is not something I'm good at.

In other news, I hit the 20lbs weight gain mark.  I was hoping to stay at closer to 15lbs (remember I started overweight), but considering how swollen my feet have gotten in the last 7-10 days I can't say I'm really surprised and if I stay pregnant for another 7-10 days I'll probably gain another 5-10 in water weight pretty easily.  :/