So I'm CD 11 and think I may ovulate in the next 2-3 days. Definitely wasn't expecting that this early. On acupuncture I ovulated religiously on CD 14 or 15 . . . but off acupuncture, I usually ovulate somewhere between days 16-19. Super weird.
I didn't really know how to expect to feel going into this first trying cycle . . . but I guess right now I'm just not believing it's time already. And still not sure how I feel about it.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Words to Live By
I've been spending way too much time on Pinterest lately. Mostly pinning different recipes and DIY projects. But of course, being sure to avoid all things baby related, as I got to excited about that with the last pregnancy. And I stumbled across a saying that struck a chord:
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
I might need to put that on a post-it note in every room in our house.
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
I might need to put that on a post-it note in every room in our house.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Back in the Game
Well our RE found nothing at all. I was hoping for something, but from a medical perspective, this is technically good news. It means that in theory, the chances of another miscarriage are only about 70% - pretty much the same as anyone else.
I have a whole litany of concerns about immunological issues - but no one in the DC area specializes in reproductive immunology and the science is fairly new and a little bit controversial among many REs.
So we are going to go with my doctor's plan of trying again and adding in progesterone. I will be insanely stressed and ridiculously guarded. I don't know how to approach another pregnancy.
But my husband is on board that if there is another loss, and a D&C shows no genetic abnormalities, that we will go to NY for a reproductive immunology consult.
It's a HUGE gamble, but I suppose that's always the case. Fingers, toes, and everything else crossed that someway, somehow, our luck will change and this next one will be it.
I have a whole litany of concerns about immunological issues - but no one in the DC area specializes in reproductive immunology and the science is fairly new and a little bit controversial among many REs.
So we are going to go with my doctor's plan of trying again and adding in progesterone. I will be insanely stressed and ridiculously guarded. I don't know how to approach another pregnancy.
But my husband is on board that if there is another loss, and a D&C shows no genetic abnormalities, that we will go to NY for a reproductive immunology consult.
It's a HUGE gamble, but I suppose that's always the case. Fingers, toes, and everything else crossed that someway, somehow, our luck will change and this next one will be it.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Big Day
Well let's see . . .
The positive outlook I had on life the last time I posted has all but dwindled. My period showing up, having to wait for what seems like forever for these RPL results, and just dealing with day-to-day pregnant people has really had me on quite the emotional rollercoaster.
Yesterday marks the 2 month mark of when I lost the baby. My second cycle fully completed with only a 12 day luteal phase (a little short for me) - so I'm currently on CD 3 of what for most people would be their first cycle trying again.
Will we try again this month?
I will hopefully know a lot more at 9am today when we FINALLY get our RPL results back. I am so nervous, anxious, and desperate. I fear that if I hear, "Everything is fine. Try again," that I will break down right then and there in her office. I need answers and I'm so terrified I'm not going to get any. (My husband can't go with me either - and I hate having to do this without him.)
Big sigh. Big big big sigh.
The positive outlook I had on life the last time I posted has all but dwindled. My period showing up, having to wait for what seems like forever for these RPL results, and just dealing with day-to-day pregnant people has really had me on quite the emotional rollercoaster.
Yesterday marks the 2 month mark of when I lost the baby. My second cycle fully completed with only a 12 day luteal phase (a little short for me) - so I'm currently on CD 3 of what for most people would be their first cycle trying again.
Will we try again this month?
I will hopefully know a lot more at 9am today when we FINALLY get our RPL results back. I am so nervous, anxious, and desperate. I fear that if I hear, "Everything is fine. Try again," that I will break down right then and there in her office. I need answers and I'm so terrified I'm not going to get any. (My husband can't go with me either - and I hate having to do this without him.)
Big sigh. Big big big sigh.
Monday, January 9, 2012
On the rebound
Could I possibly be bouncing back? Starting to feel better? Maybe. The last few days have been pretty good. I've been watching what I eat and lost about 1.5 pounds. We got an elliptical machine so I can exercise in the house this winter. I sent back an extravagant photography purchase and exchanged it for a brand new mirror-less system that I'm really excited to get and play with. I am trying to keep my mind distracted and off of another baby. And at least for the last couple of days it seems to be working. I still get very teary talking or typing about it, but all-in-all, I'm feeling like my heart will survive.
That's all for now. I haven't had a positive post in what feels like forever. It's about time.
That's all for now. I haven't had a positive post in what feels like forever. It's about time.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
I just want 2011 to go away . . .
Sigh. A small part of me hoped that saying goodbye to 2011 would mean saying goodbye to the pain that came with it. Nope. The pain is still here. Lots more friends either having their babies or announcing their pregnancies and it's no easier for me than it was a week or a month ago.
After telling my husband's family about our problems over Christmas, we decided it was time to really come out to everyone. Our personal blog and facebook made that a fast and relatively easy process. (Easier than talking about it in person, that is for sure.) So everyone knows now. And that doesn't make me feel better either.
I'm desperately searching for something that will lessen this pain - and I can find nothing. Nothing makes me feel less broken or less empty. Nothing.
After telling my husband's family about our problems over Christmas, we decided it was time to really come out to everyone. Our personal blog and facebook made that a fast and relatively easy process. (Easier than talking about it in person, that is for sure.) So everyone knows now. And that doesn't make me feel better either.
I'm desperately searching for something that will lessen this pain - and I can find nothing. Nothing makes me feel less broken or less empty. Nothing.
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