Yeah, I know IUD is not a verb.
Sigh. The little guy is 2 months. 2 exhausting months. So exhausting my bones hurt. But the 2 happiest and most fulfilling months of my life. I can not explain it. It's as though a hole in my heart has been repaired.
During this pregnancy I was 100% sure we were done having kids. No doubt. Now, as crazy as it sounds, I'm not so sure. I am scared to death of more miscarriages and I am a really sick and miserable pregnant person. I'm also older. I won't say old. But I'm getting on up there for having babies. I'll be 35 in September. My husband is even older. He will be 44 in June.
I won't consider hormonal birth control. Emotionally I feel great and I have an amazing milk supply - I am not rocking either of those boats.
Permanent birth control isn't an option. Even if we knew we were done my husband won't consider it for himself. And I've been through one surgery in the last couple of months - I'm not game for any more cutting open of my abdomen this year.
That leaves us 2 options. An IUD or other use-as-needed barrier options.
We all know how the use as needed birth control works. It's effective, until the one time you don't use it. (And reminder, I did get pregnant when my first son was 5 months old.)
Which means the IUD is a more logical choice. Maybe. Here's the thing . . . Are we done having kids? Most likely. Am I sure? No. If we do decide to have another kid it will not be 2+ years from now when we start trying - we are just too old. (With our miscarriage history and our maternal/paternal ages, IVF with PGD could be the only way another child would ever happen again anyway. There are so many unknowns that make trying again seem stupid. But that's a decision for later.)
It's not really a financially sound decision to get an IUD if you aren't going to use it for longer term - like more than 18+ months. And for us, I feel like the only way we would ever have another child would be if we started trying before then.
I don't know. I'm so conflicted about this. I never thought I'd be almost 35 years old, happily married, and needing to stock up on condoms . . .
