Hi, and welcome. This blog has changed a bit recently. My husband and I fought through 4 consecutive losses to get our second healthy child (born in December 2012) . . . and while we had not shut the door on the idea of another pregnancy, we certainly were leaning in that direction. On August 8, 2014, we found out we are pregnant for the 7th time. A total surprise. So the neurotic journey continues . . . third child or fifth loss . . . I'm scared and confused and just a teensy bit excited . . .

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I had a good cry with my husband last night

There are so many things about this journey that I don't understand. Particularly, why I want another child so badly. Our toddler is a perfectly happy and healthy little boy. I don't believe for two seconds that having a home with an only child would be a bad thing. And yet, when I look at him, my eyes well with tears when I think of him growing up without a sibling. Maybe it's because I grew up with a sibling, maybe it's biological - I just know that I ache for a second child. I weep over the thoughts that pop into my head that maybe, just maybe, it isn't destined to happen for us.

My husband is very sweet. He reminded me that there have only been 2 cycles since my last chemical pregnancy. And one of those cycles was a mandated cycle off. So really this is only our 1st cycle since I started acupuncture. He is very hopeful. And in my head, I know he is right. Unfortunately, my heart still hurts - a lot. And the tears just keep coming.

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