100 ounces

The 4 ounces I just pumped put my freezer stash at 100 ounces. That's not a tremendous amount for someone who exclusively pumps - it would be about 4 days worth of breastmilk. But here's the thing - I'm exclusively breastfeeding from the breast. My son had 2 two ounce bottles 2 weeks ago (that's a lot of 2s) to make sure he would take a bottle. And he had 2 two ounce bottles last week when I had to leave him with Dad for my new side job.

So why do I need 100 ounces in the freezer and why am I pumping? The short answer is that I'm crazy. The longer answer is that breastfeeding with my older son was a challenge from the beginning and we faced one hurdle after another. Just when everything started going well I got pregnant then miscarried and it destroyed my supply. We fought through low supply with formula supplementing but I did manage to at least give him some breastmilk every day until he was a year old.

This time it's so very different. The baby latched within seconds of being brought to me in the hospital and LOVES to nurse and is very efficient at it. Combine his efficient and enthusiastic nursing with me feeding him 100% on demand with no regard for the clock - and I have a great supply. (He's also gained 8 pounds in 8 weeks, which is INSANE.)

I don't anticipate getting pregnant again this time. But you never know what can happen. I could get sick for a duration of time. I could be out of the house more than I currently am. I just don't want to struggle with providing breastmilk like I did last time. I am not pumping every day. I'm just pumping when it's convenient, so it's not at all stressful.

I should add that I have absolutely nothing against formula. As I mentioned above, my older son was supplemented with it from 6 months to a year. It was a life saver for us as I literally did not have another way to feed him to meet his demands. My desire to provide as much breastmilk as possible is solely my personal preference. I may be in the minority, but I love breastfeeding. I want to have a strong breastfeeding relationship with my new son without the stress I had about it with my first son.

So what will I do with this freezer stash if I end up not needing it? Gah. I'm struggling with that right now. I'm not eligible to donate it because of the Zoloft. I guess the best thing to do if he doesn't need it while nursing is to continue to use it in cups once he has weaned. We'll cross that bridge *if* we get to it. I'm not convinced that we won't hit some hurdle along the way that will use it all up. In the meantime, you can me Bessie.