Paranoia and an ultrasound

There is more backstory here than I care to write about.  LONG story short, the hospital OB I had to meet with to consult about my VBAC wants me to start progesterone to prevent another (possibly earlier) pre-term "labor."  The problem is, I didn't have pre-term labor.  I had pre-term premature rupture of membranes.  No labor.  My midwives and MFM both say that my history does not warrant taking progesterone right now, but MFM wants an ultrasound now just to make sure my cervix is still long and closed.  When my water broke last time at 36 weeks, my cervix was 100% effaced and 2cm dilated.  That doesn't seem significant to me (I've heard tons of stories of people who dilate early and stay pregnant for weeks), but MFM says they want to see what's going on right now.

So that will be Monday morning at 9am (exactly 31 weeks).

In the meantime, I have had excruciating pain in my lower pelvis/cervix/vagina over the last 2 days.  Like have to stop walking and brace myself until the pain is gone.  I wouldn't say the pain is contractions - it definitely doesn't radiate up through my entire uterus.  But I'm concerned.  And relieved to have the ultrasound already scheduled for Monday.  

30 weeks

Holy crap.  I will be 30 weeks pregnant on Monday.  So dear God, why do I feel 43 weeks pregnant?  I've never even been 40 weeks pregnant . . .

I'm waddling.  My hips and back are in constant pain.  My belly is enormous.  I've only gained 12ish pounds - so that's not the problem.  Ugh.

It's going to be a brutal last 2+ months.  

21 weeks - Still puking

Oh how I wish that was a joke.  Being unbearably sick between weeks 14-16 was a cruel joke.  Feeling mostly better between weeks 17-19 was amazing.  Back to puking regularly between 19-21 . . . Well yeah.  I'm fucking over it.  And I haven't used that word on this blog in a LONG time.

In other news, our anatomy scan went well.  Baby boy is still a boy.  He is only measuring about 4 days ahead of my due date - which is much smaller than my other boys have measured.  This is a welcome change for me . . . Not worrying about a giant baby (at least not yet).  I'm sure it's a function of my sickness and my own weight gain.  Pretty sure I was up 15-20 pounds by the halfway point in my previous pregnancies (maybe more in my first).  I'm currently hovering anywhere between +/- 3 for the entire pregnancy so far.  Today was a bad puking day so I'm back down to -3.  

All of my test results, including AFP which was abnormal in my last pregnancy, and the early glucose test have all been normal.  So really there isn't baby monitoring to happen from here on out.  Just normal appointments.  Crazy, huh?

Damn, I wish I could just stop puking.

Quick update

Well I'm still here and still pregnant.  Just checked in on the little peanut with the doppler and he/she is still thumping away at 170-180bpm.  I did end up having an ultrasound last week.  I just wanted to check on growth since the first measurement was small.  Our first u/s came up with a 6w6d measurement.  Our second u/s, exactly 2 weeks later, came up with 9w2d and a heart rate of 185bpm.  Phew.  

That was last week.  So I'm 10 1/2 weeks now.  I had my genetic bloodwork done earlier this week, and that should be back in the next week to 10 days.  And our nuchal translucency scan is on October 9th.

This is all still very surreal to me.  Except for the sickness and exhaustion - they remind me every.single.moment that I am, in fact, definitely pregnant.

Obviously, any number of things could still go very wrong . . . But with good growth as of last week and a strong thumping heartbeat as of 15 minutes ago, it feels like we may make it out of the first trimester . . . CRAZY!

Doppler

Yep.  I did it.  I got a doppler.  I have been warned a million times over that the one time you don't hear the baby will be infinitely worse than any assurance it could ever provide.  I don't care.  There isn't much infinitely worse than waiting 4 weeks between appointments.

Baby was thumping away at 175bpm this morning!!!  

And now I don't have to obsess about whether or not I should call in a favor for getting an ultrasound to calm my anxiety this week.  (I can save that favor for when the doppler gives me a heart attack.)

8ish weeks

How can it only be 8 weeks?  First trimester anxiety, plus brutal sickness, plus a baby who measured over a half a week smaller than I was expecting equals the first trimester that lasts FOREVER.

I suppose 8 weeks with no bleeding and still having tons of pregnancy symptoms is good.  I guess everything is still okay.  I guess.  I don't really think about it too often.  Just functioning well enough to make sure Boy 1 and Boy 2 are taken care of is about the extent of my functioning right now.  Makes it hard to worry about what may or may not be happening with Boy 3 or Girl 1.

Because I am old (aka - advanced maternal age), I am eligible for the Panorama blood test.  They basically take blood from me, and can spin out DNA from the baby.  We'll get a full report of genetic abnormalities and we'll find out the sex.  The test can be done at 9 weeks and results come in 7-10 days.  Crazy, right???  Not sure how I feel about knowing the sex of the baby so early.  I guess it either gives me PLENTY of time to buy lots of cute girl clothes . . . Or it gives me PLENTY of time to ponder how life will be with 3 boys and accept that there will never be a girl.  

Heartbeat and Zofran

I should have updated yesterday.  Our appointment went well for the most part. Baby has an amazing strong heartbeat of 144bpm.  But OF COURSE there is something to worry about.  Baby is measuring small - 6w6d.  Since I don't exactly know when I ovulated and there is a margin of error with measurements, no one seems concerned . . . Except me.  But it is what it is.  Nothing I can do to make the baby measure larger.  :/

And I almost cried like a baby when I begged for my Zofran.  I have never been this sick.  I need relief.  I just took my first one a couple hours ago and I'm feeling a lot better.  Still queasy, but survivable.  Phew.  

More updates to come.

Misery

7w2d (based on LMP) and I basically want to curl up and disappear for at least the next 5 weeks - probably longer.

Boy 2 still nurses and sleeps like shit at 20 months old.  I'm exhausted.  Boy 1 is full of more energy than 10 children should have combined.  (Thank goodness he goes back to school next week.)  

I can't eat (thank you sickness).  I can't sleep (thank you insomnia and boy 2).  And apparently even when I'm not eating I can't even drop a few pounds (thank you bloating).

Ultrasound in just over 48 hours.  I truly have not even thought about it much.  I have two healthy boys.  Whatever happens on Thursday, we will get through it.  (Unless there is more than one baby in here.  I might not get through that.)

Sick and grumpy

Oh yes.  Hello sickness.  Your arrival is bittersweet.  Thankfully it's not all day (yet), and thankfully I am not actually puking (yet) . . . But oh, the waves of nausea are strong and sudden.  BLEH.

But I'm not grumpy because I'm sick.  I'm grumpy because all I wanted for dinner tonight was a burger with LOTS and LOTS of grilled onions.  I would have settled for grilled onions on a bun.  So I stopped at Five Guys for the ONLY craving I've indulged in this week.  I ordered my burger (and dinner for the rest of the family), and salivated all the way home.  My previous meals today were a peach for breakfast - I ended up gagging on it and forcing myself to choke it down.  And a few spoonfuls of leftover taco meat for lunch (leftovers from dinner).  That's it.  So I was HUNGRY.

You can guess where this is going right?

NO ONIONS.  I admit it.  I cried.  My husband laughed.  But I'm still upset about it.  DO NOT MESS WITH A PREGNANT LADY AND HER FOOD!!!

Cookie Dough!!!

OMG, I am DYING for cookie dough.  Seriously, I can't express the craving.  I probably haven't had cookie dough in over a year.  And suddenly I want to eat it by the bowl-ful.  

But my weight.  Oh my stupid horrible weight.  I can not eat cookie dough.  I am 50 pounds overweight.

Why, OH WHY do I feel like an addict having withdrawals right now?  This is crazy.