A seemingly meaningless update

I meant to post last night about our ultrasound, but my son has a cold and didn't get a nap yesterday and I was just just down right exhausted.

And then this morning he was cranky like never before (from not sleeping well with his cough). And I was just so tired and so grumpy.

And then news today started coming out of Newton CT and my heart felt ripped in half. The lives of 20 innocent children (virtually babies) and 6 adults taken in the most brutally violent and cowardly act imaginable. 20 sets of parents sent their babies off to school this morning just like any other Friday morning and will never get their babies back. They won't deal with temper tantrums or snotty noses this weekend. They will instead start a hell that no parent should ever have to navigate and long for having even the worst of days back with their children.

When my son got up from his nap today he was bouncing around the living room talking about Santa and other silly 3 year old stuff and I had this sudden realization of his innocence. He is so blissfully unaware of the brutality of this world. And it just made my heart ache more. The kindergarteners who were gunned down today woke up and went to school the exact same way my son woke up from his nap - probably thinking about Santa.

When my husband got home, I fell apart. I AM SO IRRATIONALLY FUCKING ANGRY. Children are supposed to be scared of the dark. Scared of the imaginary monsters under the bed. Our children are not supposed to be scared of being killed at school. What kind of world do we live in??? What type of fucking coward needs to execute children on his way off this Earth???

The world is a sad and broken place. My heart is with everyone who has been personally touched by this tragedy. I can not imagine the pain of today and the months to come. I hope that in some way, some day these families will find some form of peace.

My completely meaningless update from yesterday is that the baby is now head down and everything looks good. He's still estimated to be very large, but there are no other ultrasounds planned. Like I said . . . Not really that important.