Drugs

For those of you who know how hyper-sensitive I am to unnecessary medications and pregnancy, this should give you an idea of how sick I am. Today I have consumed (as frequently as allowable): Mucinex, Tylenol, Sudafed, and too many Halls cough drops to count.

The cough is bad and annoying. But this pressure that has moved into my head is debilitating. I can not stand up or move without wincing in pain as the congestion shifts around my head. My eyes and cheeks feel like they are going to explode off my face.

Thank goodness I have a regular appointment tomorrow morning. I need to touch base about being this sick. It can't be ideal for me or the baby.

Sick sucks

Well I can say that I haven't yet coughed out a baby. But I can confirm that it is possible to cough until you throw up - numerous times. Including standing out in the yard waiting for your dog to pee.

Good freakin times.

And unless my child dramatically improves in the next 5-6 hours he'll be home again with me tomorrow too.

Of course Hurricane Sandy is predicted to blow us all off the map sometime in the next 48 hours, so I guess we'd be stuck at home anyway.

For anyone else in the path of Sandy - stay safe!

It was time to slow down anyway...

Shit. I'm sick. Probably predictable with a sick kid and as little resting as I've been doing.

So today is a sit on my ass and watch TV with the kid day. And hope I don't cough out a baby . . . Which I actually have feared is possible over the last 12 hours.

I need to sleep.

I am an emotional disaster. I asked a dear friend today to come to the hospital when baby brother is born to photograph some of the most important first moments of his life. Not necessarily his birth. But I want - NEED - the moment where my 2 children meet to be captured. It is a moment that I can not imagine without the tears flowing. I have cried about this moment about 6 times already today.

Then a phone solicitor woke (scared) my sick son up from his nap. And he woke up wailing, "Mommy. Mommy. The phone scared me. Hold me Mommy. Hold me like a baby." And I cried. Because he's sick. Because some asshole woke him up from a nap he desperately needed. And because the days when he wants to be held like a baby are almost gone.

And my friend just found out her cat has cancer and I can't help but think about my childhood dog - who was undoubtedly one of the greatest dogs of all times.

And because it took me 50 minutes to drive 4 freakin miles this morning in our glorious metro traffic.

I cry over anything right now. I'm sure pregnancy hormones get most of the blame. But so does being tired. Yet I lay here in bed awake contemplating going to work on my painting project in the nursery. Because no matter how hard I try, I just can't slow down.

27 weeks

Today I am 27 weeks pregnant and I am home with a really sick toddler.

Poor little dude.

As for those 37 1/2 hours I thought I was going to have to myself between now and Oct 31. Well, as always, being a mom is more important.

A million miles an hour

You know people who say "I could never stay at home and let someone else take care of my kids. I'd be bored to death." Yeah. Who are these people???

I have 5 days left of my "free" time and the list of things to do just keeps growing by the day.

Think I'm exaggerating? Here's a lit of what I've done in the last two days:

Grocery shopped
Prepped dinners for the next week
Baked pumpkin bars (for selfish reasons)
Two loads of dishes
Two loads of laundry
Hung a mirror
Hung two shelves
Swapped out end tables in two rooms
Removed old blinds (with stripped screws which required using a crowbar among other tools)
Installed new blinds
Shopped for some new lamps
Bought and tried 7 different paint samples for a stripe project I'm working on

And that's just been between the hours of 8:00am and 3:30pm.

That doesn't include my normal mom stuff that happens before we leave for school at 7:30am or after we get home at 4:30pm.

And on top of that - stating the obvious here - I'm 6 months pregnant. And slowing down. My back hurts. My feet hurt. My weight gain so far is great compared to my first pregnancy at this point - so that's not the problem. I just can't do this much stuff without feeling the consequences. I don't think I'm "over doing" it. I just think I'm reaching the maximum limit of what I can safely do.

And I'm tired. Really tired. And I have 5 more "me" days with 7 1/2 glorious hours a day to spend doing whatever it is that I want or need to do. How much can I accomplish in 37 1/2 hours? Unfortunately the answer is going to be: Not nearly enough.

26 weeks and a few days

Thursday was 26 weeks so I guess I'm now closer to 27 weeks. Third trimester starts, um, TOMORROW?!?!?

The long and short of things lately is that I've been staying off the Internet. Trying to maximize my month at home. It's working - the nursery has been transformed! It's amazing. Some things have come out better than I expected. Some things not as well. But it's progress so it's good.

We had our 26 week ultrasound Thursday. It was okay. Definitely not bad. But not the "everything is perfect" ultrasounds we've been having. At 19 weeks almost all of the baby's measurements were a week to 10 days ahead. Now many of the measurements are right on track. One is almost a week behind (can't remember which one). And then there is his head which was measuring 29w3d. Aside from the "holy shit" aspect of having to get out an unusually large head, the proportion of his growth over the last 7 weeks is a little concerning.

The there is the amount of amniotic fluid. It's too high. Not by a lot. But it is outside the range of normal. (It was normal at 19 weeks.) I refuse to google this issue. Refuse. Nothing good can come from google at this point. The MFM doc said it could be a sign of diabetes (I'll be tested again on Oct 31). Or it could be something wrong with the baby - as it's his job to keep the right amount of fluid in balance by both swallowing and peeing. Or, just like everything else it seems, it could be nothing. Joy of joys.

It's like a blessing and a curse. Smart doctors, great technology, and close monitoring. It's wonderful to know that they are on top of this stuff. At the same time I have to wonder if knowing too much just makes me worry. I definitely prefer knowing. I wouldn't trade it for the alternative. But yikes, I'm tired of worrying.

So on that note, MFM wants me back for a 30 week ultrasound. That will be ultrasound #9 in case you've lost count.

Sigh. I'm tired. And I just want to know that this little boy is going to get here safely. I'm really tired.

October 15th. A day to remember.

Did you know that today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day?  Did you know that 1 in 4 women will experience pregnancy loss?  

While this blog has turned into a rather ordinary pregnancy journal, I'm sure it's easy to forget why this blog is here.  As I blissfully plow through my to-do list for "baby brother" (which may become his official name), I remember where my life was a year ago.  I was here.  With blissfully wonderful betas, 5 weeks pregnant, and hoping beyond hope that our 5th pregnancy would be our second child.  A few weeks later we would see that baby with a glorious heartbeat.  And then a few weeks later we would lose that baby too.  Was that baby a boy or a girl?  Was there something wrong with that baby?  Or was that baby as perfect as this one and my body failed me?  

"Baby brother" is such a wonderful miracle.  But he doesn't take the grief away.  In some way shape or form, I have gotten attached (for no matter how short a time period) to 4 other pregnancies between our son and "baby brother" and had to say goodbye to all of them. 

So today this blog is not about my pregnancy, it's about my journey.  The pain.  The grief.  The very real depression.  Whether you realize it or not, someone around you has likely felt the same pain.  Today is a day for the 1 in 4.

Wowsa!

I feel like we might be on the rebound from the chaos!!! Both dressers that needed to come out of the nursery are out! The master bedroom storage closet (translation - it had lots of shelves) has been unloaded and the shelves have been removed. We've purchased the hardware to turn it into a standard hanging clothes closet and that hardware will be installed as soon as the closet gets a coat of paint and some holes from the previous shelves patched (a project my mom will tackle in no time flat).

The ONLY thing in the nursery right now other than piles (still waiting to either be boxed for Goodwill or to be hung in the new master BR closet) is the queen size bed . . . And that's staying in the room!

I don't want to lie . . . It's all still a hot mess. There is still a ton to be done. It's still overwhelming to see the piles that need to be sorted and boxed up. But seeing that nursery clear out is therapeutic. It reminds me that this isn't just an exercise in cleaning and organization. It's getting our home ready for the 2nd baby we many times wondered if we'd ever have. How lucky are we???

Productivity

Why am I blogging and not working on getting stuff done around the house?  Because I feel like if I make one more trip up and down our stairs I might pass out.  I swear you have never seen so much junk in your life.

Aside from measuring for blinds this morning for both the nursery and our master bedroom, I have managed to clean out the entire nursery closet and a cedar chest in our bedroom.  (The cedar chest is leaving our bedroom, because we need to fit a dresser from the guest room in there.)

In the process, I've found a home for everything that needs to stay in our living space, and I've set aside a moving box of clothes, a moving box of shoes, a garbage bag of shoes, and 3 garbage bags of blankets/linens for Goodwill.  I've also grown our trash pile significantly.

And holy crap - I'm exhausted.  I really really really want to move that cedar chest out of our bedroom and move one of the dressers from the nursery in so I can start loading it up with my clothes (that are currently in multiple piles all over the place), but I'm already having a few BH contractions . . . and I think my husband might disown me if I try to move furniture by myself right now.

So here I sit.  Trying to catch my breath and figure out what to do in the next 3 hours I have before I pick up my son.  I suppose I will go make more piles that will find homes once the furniture gets moved around . . .