No pictures this week. Too busy and no change from last week. Baby should be about the size of a sweet potato. That's getting quite big when I think about it. Not nearly the size of the watermelon I delivered in December 2009, but it's still a substantial size.
I don't really know what to say this week. Let me give some updates on things I haven't talked about in a while.
Sickness. 95% GONE! Yay. If I weren't so worried about other things I'd be doing a somersault about this. I still have moments either right after I eat or when I've gone too long without eating when I feel pretty gross, but it's been several weeks since I've wanted to hang my head in the toilet, and I am thrilled to have some relief.
Exhaustion / fatigue / insomnia. Still really tired most of the time, but so much better. And for the most part my insomnia seems to have gotten better too. No complaints about this improvement either. Although, I do at some point expect I *might* be lucky enough to have some of the more traditional 2nd trimester energy before the insomnia comes back in the 3rd trimester. I won't push my luck though, I'm just happy to not be taking 2-3 hours to fall asleep at night and sleeping through until morning again.
Movement. I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I thought I might have been feeling the baby move. I'm almost certain that I am now feeling small movements sporadically throughout the day. None are up front, which would make sense with the anterior placenta. Most are well over to the left side and definitely remind me of my first sensations with my son. They are still too subtle and sporadic to provide any sort of comfort about the baby's well being, but every now and then a small sensation here or there is a nice addition to my day.
Unfortunately with the developments of the last 48 hours, this week feels like a bittersweet update to me. I'm feeling better and I'm feeling movement. Awesome. I also have this fear of a defect with the baby or my placenta lingering over my head, and I'm scared shitless. As scared as I was waiting to see the heartbeat the first time. As scared as I was going into the NT scan. The unknowns are really overwhelming. At a time when we really should be at one of the most exciting and stress free parts of pregnancy (if there is such a thing). At a time when I really was getting ready to make our official pregnancy announcement to the world. (I had just emailed the place I ordered our picture frames from on Monday to say, "Where are they? I ordered them 5 weeks ago and I need them soon.") At a time when I was hoping our only unknown would be whether or not my son was going to have a baby brother or a baby sister. Instead I sit here, wanting to crawl back under my rock. Wishing we hadn't told so many people already. Trying to in some way mentally prepare myself for what could be devastating news. And at the same time, trying to put one foot in front of the other and convince myself it will all be okay - because I can't even begin to process the alternative. And all the while, trying to be a loving and patient mommy to a very "spirited" 2 1/2 year old who is testing limits constantly.
For now, I'm juggling. I'm not good at it, but I'm managing. What other choice do I have?
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
It may not be the best career move I've ever made . . .
. . . but I'm taking an hour out of one of the busiest days I've had since I can remember to go get my blood work done today. The wait until tomorrow was at my request, because work is so busy. My office said I could come in as soon as I have time.
So 10:45am today it is. It still may be early next week before we get any results, but a full day delay on my part that's not necessary makes no sense.
So 10:45am today it is. It still may be early next week before we get any results, but a full day delay on my part that's not necessary makes no sense.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
It's never good when the doctor calls . . .
NOTE: I considered not blogging this, because so many of you know me in real life away from the anonymous internet world. And I don't want to talk about it outside the anonymous internet world right now. But this is my outlet, my safe place, and I trust the people I've shared this forum with to keep things this way. If you know me personally, let me restate - unless I bring it up with you directly, I do not want to talk about this. I am very emotional about it right now, and I need the people I interact with every day to help me keep my sanity by acting normal.
So my midwives' office has a policy. Abnormal test results are ALWAYS reported by phone as soon as they are available. And normal test results are ALWAYS reported at the next standard appointment. This means 2 things. 1) Don't bother the poor nurses by calling to ask about your test results - either they are normal, or they aren't back yet. 2) If you see their number pop up on your caller ID out of the blue - freak the fuck out.
I didn't even freak out when I saw the number pop up today. I knew exactly what they were calling for - I was 100% positive I had failed my glucose test and this was going to be a phone call to tell me I had gestational diabetes. My heart wasn't even pounding when I answered the phone.
Yeah. Fuck me. Gestational diabetes is the least of my worries right now.
At my appointment last week I had the 3rd and final part of what is considered comprehensive early screening. Blood work and an ultrasound at 12 weeks combined with additional blood work done between 16 and 18 weeks not only give you the results of your risk for trisomy disorders (that comes from the 12 week blood work), but also give you the results of your risk for neural tube defects (that comes from the 16-18 week blood work).
Turns out my alpha-fetoprotein (AFP) is elevated to a level that puts this baby at a high risk for having a neural tube defect. I wasn't even sure I was hearing my midwife correctly. What the fuck? We saw the baby at 12 weeks and everything looked good. Now you are telling me that I'm at high risk for brain and/or spinal cord defects. I started taking notes, because my brain just wasn't processing.
Things we know right now:
1) Most importantly (and what I try to keep reminding myself): These tests are designed to catch as many cases of problems as possible. As a result they cast a wide net, and are known for flagging normal pregnancies as high risks. We knew this when we opted for these tests. (It's the difference in screening tests vs. diagnostic tests.) It was a risk we were willing to take and now we are living with the results. There is a very high chance of everything being okay with this baby and the elevated AFP not being a sign of anything at all. Unfortunately, we need more testing to know for sure.
2) The most common course of action for a test result like this is to repeat the test. FUCK me. Another blood test and another week of waiting for results. Results that will either say that I'm not at high risk for an NTD (and conflict with the current test) or will confirm that I am high risk (but not with any more or less certainty than what we already know). So I go Thursday morning for this test. It feels like an exercise in futility to me, but what do I know?
3) The results of the next blood test determine the course of action. Which could be nothing. Or could be a consult with a high risk specialist and a comprehensive Level 2 ultrasound. The anatomy scan we already have scheduled for 9/6 is also a comprehensive Level 2 ultrasound, but if we are referred to a specialist for possible NTD concerns, the ultrasound would be performed and reviewed by people even more trained at how to detect these specific problems than a standard ultrasound tech. (Although glaring severe deformities should not only be detected by ANY ultrasound technician, but would have likely also been seen at our 12 week ultrasound.)
My midwife was very reassuring. She told me at least 5 times that these results do not mean that my baby has these problems. Just that we need to do some more digging. She also mentioned possible problems with the placenta causing elevated AFP - and Dr. Google confirms that while elevated AFP doesn't always indicate a NTD, it can be a predictor of placenta and growth problems that will occur later in pregnancy. (So if it's not an NTD, I'll still have plenty to worry about . . . )
So I think no matter how my second blood test comes out, I'm going to ask for the high risk consult. Best case scenario, this next test comes back normal and I have conflicting results to worry about. I'm just the type of person who wants all the information when it comes to stuff like this. And I don't think I'll find conflicting blood tests very comforting to sit on for the next 22 weeks. Given that we don't know for sure what causes elevated AFP, I would rather err on the side of caution. I've made it this far, and this is our last pregnancy. I'm not leaving anything up to chance. There are already enough things in pregnancy out of my control.
As I said to the few friends I shared this personally with tonight . . . After I passed my loss milestones and had a perfectly wonderful NT scan, my midwives referred to my pregnancy as any other low risk second trimester pregnancy. Intense cervical pain and pressure, anterior placenta, a heart beat that couldn't be found at 17 weeks, and now increased AFP. This is my low risk second trimester. After my luck of having 4 consecutive 1st trimester losses. I'm trying really hard not to play the "why me" game. I'm trying really hard not to feel sorry for myself right now. But this just fucking sucks. I'm tired. And I feel really close to emotionally breaking. And I just get to sit and wait some more . . .
So my midwives' office has a policy. Abnormal test results are ALWAYS reported by phone as soon as they are available. And normal test results are ALWAYS reported at the next standard appointment. This means 2 things. 1) Don't bother the poor nurses by calling to ask about your test results - either they are normal, or they aren't back yet. 2) If you see their number pop up on your caller ID out of the blue - freak the fuck out.
I didn't even freak out when I saw the number pop up today. I knew exactly what they were calling for - I was 100% positive I had failed my glucose test and this was going to be a phone call to tell me I had gestational diabetes. My heart wasn't even pounding when I answered the phone.
Yeah. Fuck me. Gestational diabetes is the least of my worries right now.
At my appointment last week I had the 3rd and final part of what is considered comprehensive early screening. Blood work and an ultrasound at 12 weeks combined with additional blood work done between 16 and 18 weeks not only give you the results of your risk for trisomy disorders (that comes from the 12 week blood work), but also give you the results of your risk for neural tube defects (that comes from the 16-18 week blood work).
Turns out my alpha-fetoprotein (AFP) is elevated to a level that puts this baby at a high risk for having a neural tube defect. I wasn't even sure I was hearing my midwife correctly. What the fuck? We saw the baby at 12 weeks and everything looked good. Now you are telling me that I'm at high risk for brain and/or spinal cord defects. I started taking notes, because my brain just wasn't processing.
Things we know right now:
1) Most importantly (and what I try to keep reminding myself): These tests are designed to catch as many cases of problems as possible. As a result they cast a wide net, and are known for flagging normal pregnancies as high risks. We knew this when we opted for these tests. (It's the difference in screening tests vs. diagnostic tests.) It was a risk we were willing to take and now we are living with the results. There is a very high chance of everything being okay with this baby and the elevated AFP not being a sign of anything at all. Unfortunately, we need more testing to know for sure.
2) The most common course of action for a test result like this is to repeat the test. FUCK me. Another blood test and another week of waiting for results. Results that will either say that I'm not at high risk for an NTD (and conflict with the current test) or will confirm that I am high risk (but not with any more or less certainty than what we already know). So I go Thursday morning for this test. It feels like an exercise in futility to me, but what do I know?
3) The results of the next blood test determine the course of action. Which could be nothing. Or could be a consult with a high risk specialist and a comprehensive Level 2 ultrasound. The anatomy scan we already have scheduled for 9/6 is also a comprehensive Level 2 ultrasound, but if we are referred to a specialist for possible NTD concerns, the ultrasound would be performed and reviewed by people even more trained at how to detect these specific problems than a standard ultrasound tech. (Although glaring severe deformities should not only be detected by ANY ultrasound technician, but would have likely also been seen at our 12 week ultrasound.)
My midwife was very reassuring. She told me at least 5 times that these results do not mean that my baby has these problems. Just that we need to do some more digging. She also mentioned possible problems with the placenta causing elevated AFP - and Dr. Google confirms that while elevated AFP doesn't always indicate a NTD, it can be a predictor of placenta and growth problems that will occur later in pregnancy. (So if it's not an NTD, I'll still have plenty to worry about . . . )
So I think no matter how my second blood test comes out, I'm going to ask for the high risk consult. Best case scenario, this next test comes back normal and I have conflicting results to worry about. I'm just the type of person who wants all the information when it comes to stuff like this. And I don't think I'll find conflicting blood tests very comforting to sit on for the next 22 weeks. Given that we don't know for sure what causes elevated AFP, I would rather err on the side of caution. I've made it this far, and this is our last pregnancy. I'm not leaving anything up to chance. There are already enough things in pregnancy out of my control.
As I said to the few friends I shared this personally with tonight . . . After I passed my loss milestones and had a perfectly wonderful NT scan, my midwives referred to my pregnancy as any other low risk second trimester pregnancy. Intense cervical pain and pressure, anterior placenta, a heart beat that couldn't be found at 17 weeks, and now increased AFP. This is my low risk second trimester. After my luck of having 4 consecutive 1st trimester losses. I'm trying really hard not to play the "why me" game. I'm trying really hard not to feel sorry for myself right now. But this just fucking sucks. I'm tired. And I feel really close to emotionally breaking. And I just get to sit and wait some more . . .
The insanity continues
I follow the blog of a fellow RPL survivor very closely. She's been through 6 miscarriages - all either chemical pregnancies or first trimester losses. She is currently over 30 weeks pregnant and I remember watching her blog progress through first trimester, then second trimester, and while I was breathing a sigh of relief for her, she just seemed to get more and more freaked out by various things that could go wrong. I didn't understand . . . she had no reason to believe she would have a late(r) term loss . . . she had gotten past the most risky part in her history. Why wasn't she enjoying that part of pregnancy?
Now, I understand.
Aside from constantly worrying if baby is growing appropriately, I have had very low intense pain and pressure for several weeks now. I called my doctor about it once around 13 weeks and was told it was fine. And I brought it up at my appointment again last week. And again, with no contractions and no bleeding, I'm told it's fine. But here's the thing - it doesn't feel fine. At all. I'm not even 18 weeks pregnant and I feel as much pressure on my cervix as I felt during early labor with my son. It is painful to walk. It should not be painful to walk when I'm not even half way through pregnancy, should it? It doesn't feel right. And I know the logical explanations . . . it's the ligaments stretching, I'm carrying this one lower than my son (who admittedly was VERY high), it's normal to feel more pressure earlier in second pregnancies because the muscles aren't as helpful as they used to be, it could be because my placenta is a bit low. I know. I know. I know.
But I also know that this doesn't feel right. And I just feel fucking crazy. I don't trust my body and I don't trust my own intuition (because it's impossible to distinguish what's rational to worry about and what's irrational).
I have no history of pre-term labor or PPROM. My cervix was barely progressing at my 38 week appointment with my son. So why is this pressure and pain so terrifying to me? And how do I let it go? Or when do I say, enough is enough and I want to be seen and have my cervix checked?
I'm so tired of worrying. And I can't stop. And I just want to stay in bed and cry. And this is just from the mental insanity. The constant pain from being up and walking around isn't dong me any favors either.
:(
Now, I understand.
Aside from constantly worrying if baby is growing appropriately, I have had very low intense pain and pressure for several weeks now. I called my doctor about it once around 13 weeks and was told it was fine. And I brought it up at my appointment again last week. And again, with no contractions and no bleeding, I'm told it's fine. But here's the thing - it doesn't feel fine. At all. I'm not even 18 weeks pregnant and I feel as much pressure on my cervix as I felt during early labor with my son. It is painful to walk. It should not be painful to walk when I'm not even half way through pregnancy, should it? It doesn't feel right. And I know the logical explanations . . . it's the ligaments stretching, I'm carrying this one lower than my son (who admittedly was VERY high), it's normal to feel more pressure earlier in second pregnancies because the muscles aren't as helpful as they used to be, it could be because my placenta is a bit low. I know. I know. I know.
But I also know that this doesn't feel right. And I just feel fucking crazy. I don't trust my body and I don't trust my own intuition (because it's impossible to distinguish what's rational to worry about and what's irrational).
I have no history of pre-term labor or PPROM. My cervix was barely progressing at my 38 week appointment with my son. So why is this pressure and pain so terrifying to me? And how do I let it go? Or when do I say, enough is enough and I want to be seen and have my cervix checked?
I'm so tired of worrying. And I can't stop. And I just want to stay in bed and cry. And this is just from the mental insanity. The constant pain from being up and walking around isn't dong me any favors either.
:(
Thursday, August 16, 2012
17 weeks
Sticking with this silly "fruit" theme, baby should be the size of an onion right now. Maybe onions are bigger in other places in the country, but technically baby is supposed to be between 5 and 5 1/2 inches long . . . Do you have onions that big where you live? We certainly don't!
So if you read yesterday's update, it was a stressful appointment. Only made more stressful by a baby in such an odd position that it was almost impossible to see anything at the ultrasound. Picture someone sitting up straight with their legs crossed on the floor, and then picture only being able to look at them straight down from the ceiling. Literally, that's what we saw. It took some poking and jabbing just to get an angle where we could see the heart flicker. And that was that.
I am super anxious about our 20 week ultrasound. And I know ALL pregnancies are different. But seriously, I do not understand how a 5 inch baby can hide inside like this.
Here is a picture from exactly 16 weeks when I was pregnant with my son:
Seriously, I'm worried. Overall, I'm a little thicker now than I was with my first pregnancy, but not by a lot. The baby could be hiding in some of my newer "padding" - but I was never short on padding to begin with. I know there is nothing I can do but wait. But I really feel so incredibly stressed about something possibly being wrong in there.
And to emphasize my point. Here is my "progression" (yeah right) so far this pregnancy . . .
I wish I could just stop worrying. :(
So if you read yesterday's update, it was a stressful appointment. Only made more stressful by a baby in such an odd position that it was almost impossible to see anything at the ultrasound. Picture someone sitting up straight with their legs crossed on the floor, and then picture only being able to look at them straight down from the ceiling. Literally, that's what we saw. It took some poking and jabbing just to get an angle where we could see the heart flicker. And that was that.
I am super anxious about our 20 week ultrasound. And I know ALL pregnancies are different. But seriously, I do not understand how a 5 inch baby can hide inside like this.
Here is a picture from exactly 16 weeks when I was pregnant with my son:
Here is my 17 week picture from today:
And to emphasize my point. Here is my "progression" (yeah right) so far this pregnancy . . .
I wish I could just stop worrying. :(
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
A quick appointment update
What a day.
It started with the gag-inducing drink (aka glucose test). Within 15 minutes I had a headache.
Followed by my midwife not being able to find the baby's heartbeat. Yeah. You read that right. Thankfully I "only" had to wait through 5 minutes of her trying and 5 minutes getting into the ultrasound room to reveal baby is still well - and cozily tucked behind what is an extremely anterior (as centered as it gets) placenta. The placenta is also a bit low right now - so we'll be keeping a close eye on where it moves.
That was then followed by blood work with a new lab tech who was more interested in talking to me about her daycare issues than she was with trying not to gouge my vein out of my arm. (And I'm no rookie when it comes to blood work!)
And I've had a headache with somewhat distorted/blurry vision throughout the day. I definitely have sugar issues.
So despite the stress, all is still well in baby land. Anatomy scan is scheduled for 9/6.
Time for Tylenol and bed.
It started with the gag-inducing drink (aka glucose test). Within 15 minutes I had a headache.
Followed by my midwife not being able to find the baby's heartbeat. Yeah. You read that right. Thankfully I "only" had to wait through 5 minutes of her trying and 5 minutes getting into the ultrasound room to reveal baby is still well - and cozily tucked behind what is an extremely anterior (as centered as it gets) placenta. The placenta is also a bit low right now - so we'll be keeping a close eye on where it moves.
That was then followed by blood work with a new lab tech who was more interested in talking to me about her daycare issues than she was with trying not to gouge my vein out of my arm. (And I'm no rookie when it comes to blood work!)
And I've had a headache with somewhat distorted/blurry vision throughout the day. I definitely have sugar issues.
So despite the stress, all is still well in baby land. Anatomy scan is scheduled for 9/6.
Time for Tylenol and bed.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Weight Gain, Gestational Diabetes, Fear, & 16 Weeks (Sort Of)
There are a few thing on my mind today, and the thoughts may not flow smoothly. So this may not be the most cohesive post I've ever pulled together.
I'll address the 16 week part first. I missed my 16 week update last week. Baby should be close to 5 inches long now and is supposed to hit a growth spurt in the next few weeks where he/she will double in length. I wanted to take a "bump" picture, but with no air conditioning and a challenging week in other regards, it just didn't happen. So that's on the agenda for 17 weeks instead.
I have an appointment Wednesday morning. I've sort of managed to keep the anxiety away since the NT scan, but it's definitely coming back.
For starters, there is my bump - or lack thereof. It's non-existant. Some days I feel like I'm showing some. But then the next day it's gone completely. I swear that my stomach looks flatter today than it did 8 weeks ago. And I'm still very very comfortably wearing pre-pregnancy pants. My uterus should be about half way between my pubic bone and my belly button AND my muscles are supposed to be much more relaxed this time around since I've done this before. Yet, my stomach is not growing. At all. With my son I didn't really show until well past 20 weeks, but that's common for first pregnancies. I feel like for the size that my uterus should be and the size that this baby should be, that my pants should at least be tight. I know that everything could be fine . . . but it makes me worry.
Then there is weigh gain. I ended first trimester up about 3 pounds. And now, over 4 weeks later, here I am . . . still only up by about 3 pounds. I won't lie - I gained way too much weight with my son. AND I'm starting this pregnancy overweight. So a very slow and overall low weight gain for this pregnancy is healthy. But no weight gain at all between 12 and 16 weeks also makes me nervous.
And THEN there is waiting another 4 weeks for an ultrasound. Sigh. On Wednesday they will check for a heartbeat, but that will only comfort me mildly. What if the baby isn't growing appropriately? We have no way of knowing that until our 20 week ultrasound. (And then, after that NO more ultrasounds for the entire pregnancy?!?!?!?!?!?!)
Or God forbid . . . what if there is no heartbeat on Wednesday? I am not prepared for that. I just ordered some things for this baby last week. I am ready to start buying things for a nursery. I am not at all mentally prepared for this being over. And I'm sort of upset that I feel like I've let my guard down. :(
So what's this talk about gestational diabetes? Sigh. Well I'm being tested for that on Wednesday morning as well. (And will be tested at least once again later.) Normally, women are only tested once - sometime between 24 and 28 weeks. Earlier testing is only recommended in cases with increased risk. I did not have GD with my son. I do not have a family history of either diabetes or GD. And while I am overweight, my BMI is not at the level where my risk for GD would be increased. So why the early testing? Because my son was a few ounces shy of 10 pounds at birth, and I had severe blood sugar issues in my pregnancy with him. Don't quote me on these exact numbers (it's been a while), but when you take the glucose tolerance test - you drink a super sugary drink, wait 1 hour, then they test your blood sugar. Anything between 90ish - 130ish is considered normal. Anything over 130 could indicate diabetes (at which point they do a longer and more intense test involving fasting and blood checks over the course of 3 hours). Anything under 70ish is considered hypoglycemia and many people start feeling a bit sick (light headed, dizzy, etc) at this point. At levels below 50, blood sugar is dangerously low and people lose consciousness shortly after dropping below 50.
My OB who I used for my pregnancy with my son had delivered over 5,000 babies in the course of 20 years of practice. When she gave me the results of my glucose tolerance test with my son she told me I was the lowest result she had EVER seen. 54. Yep. One hour after drinking sugar water, I had so little sugar in my body that I was close to losing consciousness. In some ways this was relieving news - because no one knew why I had been having episodes of coming very close to passing out (they had tested me for anemia and found nothing, and were chalking it up to overall low blood pressure). So at least we had some answers. But on the other had, this was pretty scary. My pancreas, instead of not producing enough insulin like it would in the case of diabetes, was producing enough insulin to eradicate all the sugar in my body. And while GD is much more dangerous for mom and baby, extreme hypoglycemia has it's own risks and indicated a severe problem with how my pancreas was tolerating pregnancy.
After consulting with an endocrinologist and a nutritionist, the treatment for my problem ended up being a diet identical to a diabetic diet. If my body was over-reacting to sugar, I needed to not eat it. So for the last 12 weeks of pregnancy, I managed my hypoglycemia this way. Some days were better than others. I always felt terrible right after eating, and many times had to sit down and put my head between my legs, but never passed out. And as soon as pregnancy was over, it went away.
So now, here we are, and because my son was so large (a side effect of GD) and because we know my pancreas was crazy last time, I'll be tested for GD this week. I'm also already starting to notice that I feel like complete crap shortly after I eat. So I'm thinking about getting a home glucose meter regardless of the outcome of Wednesday's test. They aren't that expensive, and if I'm going to have sugar issues (one way or the other), I'd like to know when it's happening and try to make correlations for myself to which foods make it worse. I'm already realizing that sugar is making things worse, so it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest to find out that I either have GD or hypoglycemia again. FUN TIMES!
I think that's all of my rambling for now. I need to try to stay calm between now and Wednesday. I'll have a lot more information then . . .
I'll address the 16 week part first. I missed my 16 week update last week. Baby should be close to 5 inches long now and is supposed to hit a growth spurt in the next few weeks where he/she will double in length. I wanted to take a "bump" picture, but with no air conditioning and a challenging week in other regards, it just didn't happen. So that's on the agenda for 17 weeks instead.
I have an appointment Wednesday morning. I've sort of managed to keep the anxiety away since the NT scan, but it's definitely coming back.
For starters, there is my bump - or lack thereof. It's non-existant. Some days I feel like I'm showing some. But then the next day it's gone completely. I swear that my stomach looks flatter today than it did 8 weeks ago. And I'm still very very comfortably wearing pre-pregnancy pants. My uterus should be about half way between my pubic bone and my belly button AND my muscles are supposed to be much more relaxed this time around since I've done this before. Yet, my stomach is not growing. At all. With my son I didn't really show until well past 20 weeks, but that's common for first pregnancies. I feel like for the size that my uterus should be and the size that this baby should be, that my pants should at least be tight. I know that everything could be fine . . . but it makes me worry.
Then there is weigh gain. I ended first trimester up about 3 pounds. And now, over 4 weeks later, here I am . . . still only up by about 3 pounds. I won't lie - I gained way too much weight with my son. AND I'm starting this pregnancy overweight. So a very slow and overall low weight gain for this pregnancy is healthy. But no weight gain at all between 12 and 16 weeks also makes me nervous.
And THEN there is waiting another 4 weeks for an ultrasound. Sigh. On Wednesday they will check for a heartbeat, but that will only comfort me mildly. What if the baby isn't growing appropriately? We have no way of knowing that until our 20 week ultrasound. (And then, after that NO more ultrasounds for the entire pregnancy?!?!?!?!?!?!)
Or God forbid . . . what if there is no heartbeat on Wednesday? I am not prepared for that. I just ordered some things for this baby last week. I am ready to start buying things for a nursery. I am not at all mentally prepared for this being over. And I'm sort of upset that I feel like I've let my guard down. :(
So what's this talk about gestational diabetes? Sigh. Well I'm being tested for that on Wednesday morning as well. (And will be tested at least once again later.) Normally, women are only tested once - sometime between 24 and 28 weeks. Earlier testing is only recommended in cases with increased risk. I did not have GD with my son. I do not have a family history of either diabetes or GD. And while I am overweight, my BMI is not at the level where my risk for GD would be increased. So why the early testing? Because my son was a few ounces shy of 10 pounds at birth, and I had severe blood sugar issues in my pregnancy with him. Don't quote me on these exact numbers (it's been a while), but when you take the glucose tolerance test - you drink a super sugary drink, wait 1 hour, then they test your blood sugar. Anything between 90ish - 130ish is considered normal. Anything over 130 could indicate diabetes (at which point they do a longer and more intense test involving fasting and blood checks over the course of 3 hours). Anything under 70ish is considered hypoglycemia and many people start feeling a bit sick (light headed, dizzy, etc) at this point. At levels below 50, blood sugar is dangerously low and people lose consciousness shortly after dropping below 50.
My OB who I used for my pregnancy with my son had delivered over 5,000 babies in the course of 20 years of practice. When she gave me the results of my glucose tolerance test with my son she told me I was the lowest result she had EVER seen. 54. Yep. One hour after drinking sugar water, I had so little sugar in my body that I was close to losing consciousness. In some ways this was relieving news - because no one knew why I had been having episodes of coming very close to passing out (they had tested me for anemia and found nothing, and were chalking it up to overall low blood pressure). So at least we had some answers. But on the other had, this was pretty scary. My pancreas, instead of not producing enough insulin like it would in the case of diabetes, was producing enough insulin to eradicate all the sugar in my body. And while GD is much more dangerous for mom and baby, extreme hypoglycemia has it's own risks and indicated a severe problem with how my pancreas was tolerating pregnancy.
After consulting with an endocrinologist and a nutritionist, the treatment for my problem ended up being a diet identical to a diabetic diet. If my body was over-reacting to sugar, I needed to not eat it. So for the last 12 weeks of pregnancy, I managed my hypoglycemia this way. Some days were better than others. I always felt terrible right after eating, and many times had to sit down and put my head between my legs, but never passed out. And as soon as pregnancy was over, it went away.
So now, here we are, and because my son was so large (a side effect of GD) and because we know my pancreas was crazy last time, I'll be tested for GD this week. I'm also already starting to notice that I feel like complete crap shortly after I eat. So I'm thinking about getting a home glucose meter regardless of the outcome of Wednesday's test. They aren't that expensive, and if I'm going to have sugar issues (one way or the other), I'd like to know when it's happening and try to make correlations for myself to which foods make it worse. I'm already realizing that sugar is making things worse, so it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest to find out that I either have GD or hypoglycemia again. FUN TIMES!
I think that's all of my rambling for now. I need to try to stay calm between now and Wednesday. I'll have a lot more information then . . .
Friday, August 10, 2012
Major Milestone
Aside from the fact that I *think* I may have felt the baby once or twice in the last 24 hours - I passed a HUGE milestone today. HUGE.
I bought some things for this baby. I still can't believe I did it. And I'm kinda having a panic attack about it now. I'm afraid of getting to far ahead of myself. I'm afraid of assuming everything is going to go well for the next 5 months. But here I am, buying stuff for a baby. Damn internet sales.
(As for the possible movements, I'm still not sure about that yet. I'll definitely celebrate that when I'm more certain!)
I bought some things for this baby. I still can't believe I did it. And I'm kinda having a panic attack about it now. I'm afraid of getting to far ahead of myself. I'm afraid of assuming everything is going to go well for the next 5 months. But here I am, buying stuff for a baby. Damn internet sales.
(As for the possible movements, I'm still not sure about that yet. I'll definitely celebrate that when I'm more certain!)
Thursday, August 9, 2012
I am SO hungry.
Ugh. It's been a week. We had a long weekend vacation which was wonderful, but things have not gone so smoothly since getting back. I won't whine about everything that has sucked since Monday. I will say that the straw that broke the camel's back was our air conditioner going out yesterday morning. Two technicians have now confirmed that the compressor completely blew and we need a new unit. Which will take several business days. Which means we are out of A/C through the weekend. It's 85 degrees in our house at 10:30am. Our poor 110 pound long haired black dog looks like he is going to have a heat stroke at any minute. If there were any hotels in a 20 mile radius of home that accepted dogs his size, I'd get a hotel just for his sake. But there are not, so we are working with fans, open windows, and lots of cold water.
So why is this post about my hunger?
Because on top of the sweltering heat, and my crazy pregnancy hormones, I am having the most bizarre food aversions ever. I am starving hungry. I keep opening the pantry door, refrigerator door, freezer door and am almost in tears from the hunger pain - yet everything we have turns my stomach.
So what do I want? OMG, if I only knew. I want something cold. But NOT sweet. The thought of ice cream makes me sick. Even fruit sounds gross to me. Dairy is out - the thought of cheese or yogurt is also grossing me out. Salty? Maybe. I think I could eat a pickle if I had one, but it doesn't sound that good and wouldn't fill me up anyway. Sour sounds good too. Seriously, I could consider sucking on a lemon at this point. But what can I eat that's cold and salty or sour and filling?
Maybe Chipotle for lunch? It's not exactly cold, but the sour cream, salsa, and lime rice might do the trick. If I don't pass out before lunch. I have a work meeting at 11am. Hopefully it will end in time for me to run out, because I have an A/C sales person coming at 1pm.
But seriously. WTF is up with this insanity at 16 weeks? A hungry miserable pregnant woman in a blazing hot house is just a recipe for an emotional meltdown. And/or passing out.
I have to force myself to eat something . . . even if I am not going to hold it down. I can't take the hunger pain much longer.
Speaking of 16 weeks - that post may or may not come today. We'll see if I find food and feel up for it later . . .
So why is this post about my hunger?
Because on top of the sweltering heat, and my crazy pregnancy hormones, I am having the most bizarre food aversions ever. I am starving hungry. I keep opening the pantry door, refrigerator door, freezer door and am almost in tears from the hunger pain - yet everything we have turns my stomach.
So what do I want? OMG, if I only knew. I want something cold. But NOT sweet. The thought of ice cream makes me sick. Even fruit sounds gross to me. Dairy is out - the thought of cheese or yogurt is also grossing me out. Salty? Maybe. I think I could eat a pickle if I had one, but it doesn't sound that good and wouldn't fill me up anyway. Sour sounds good too. Seriously, I could consider sucking on a lemon at this point. But what can I eat that's cold and salty or sour and filling?
Maybe Chipotle for lunch? It's not exactly cold, but the sour cream, salsa, and lime rice might do the trick. If I don't pass out before lunch. I have a work meeting at 11am. Hopefully it will end in time for me to run out, because I have an A/C sales person coming at 1pm.
But seriously. WTF is up with this insanity at 16 weeks? A hungry miserable pregnant woman in a blazing hot house is just a recipe for an emotional meltdown. And/or passing out.
I have to force myself to eat something . . . even if I am not going to hold it down. I can't take the hunger pain much longer.
Speaking of 16 weeks - that post may or may not come today. We'll see if I find food and feel up for it later . . .
Saturday, August 4, 2012
15 weeks (a couple days late)
Nothing at all to report this week. Baby should be about the size of an orange or approximately 4 inches long.
I might be starting to feel better (excluding some motion sickness a couple days ago, it's been 3 or 4 days since I've been sick). And I feel like I might be starting to "show" more. (Still all fat being displaced at this point.)
But I've jinxed myself about the sickness before and it's possible I've just been eating too much lately.
So for now, that's all I have to report. Boring week.
I might be starting to feel better (excluding some motion sickness a couple days ago, it's been 3 or 4 days since I've been sick). And I feel like I might be starting to "show" more. (Still all fat being displaced at this point.)
But I've jinxed myself about the sickness before and it's possible I've just been eating too much lately.
So for now, that's all I have to report. Boring week.
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