Out of the closet

Well I got my nerve up and told my mom, brother, and sister-in-law about our woes over Thanksgiving. I asked everyone not to cry while I fumbled my way through finding the words.

They are of course sad and worried. But also very understanding and supportive.

It was never supposed to be a big secret. There was the first pregnancy which was when my son was so young. That was more of a wow-people-are-going-to-think-we-are-crazy-for-getting-pregnant-so-fast thought process that resulted in us not sharing the news. We also thought the miscarriage was a fluke and a result of my body just not being ready for another pregnancy. Then the two chemical pregnancies came and went so quickly there wasn't really a need to get anyone upset over them.

And then, of course, there was our most recent pregnancy. The one we thought would be the happy ending. We thought we would be telling them about our pregnancy over the holidays and keeping our loss (and upcoming testing from them) just didn't seem right.

I was worried they would be upset about us not telling them sooner. But they seem to understand - or at the very least understand that we are in enough pain not to question the way we've handled this up until now.

So for the most part it feels good to be out in the open. I can't say I feel any less lonely. But I don't think I expected to feel any different. I'm just glad it's out in the open - and I don't have to fumble through those words again.