CD1

It's been over 3 months since I've had to deal with a period. And today she returns. After a 34 day cycle with a textbook 14 day LP, she's here. If my first cycle post m/c is anything like my first cycle after last summer's m/c, I'm in for a long miserable week.

I don't exactly know how to feel about this. Glad it's over. Sad it's over. I mean, it's been over for a while. But now it's really really over. I still have to call my doctors and tell them my period is back. I'm dreading doing that. I don't know why - I don't even like having to talk to them any more.

Sigh.

This does mean that I'll get to have my blood panel done before we leave town for the holidays so maybe, just maybe, the results will be ready shortly after we get back into town.

I've been doing a ridiculous amount of thinking lately. About whether or not I want to try again. Maybe if the RPL testing gives us some "answers" I'll feel better about it. But this last loss has been really rough on me. Much rougher than I ever imagined it could be. And I don't know how I would handle another loss. I don't know if it's fair to put my family through that. My perfect blessing of a son deserves so much more than a mom who is emotionally wrecked. And even if the next one isn't a loss, I will be a nervous wreck for the entire pregnancy. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about whether or not I would even be able to enjoy another pregnancy.

One step at a time. One slow step at a time. RPL testing, get this miserable period over with. And then enjoy Christmas with my family. My sweet, wonderful, beautiful little boy deserves that - and a whole lot more.