Ah yes I knew these days were coming. The days where I still ache to the point that I can't see straight through my tears. The days where I feel so lonely and isolated that I can't breath. The days where my exhaustion, depression, and frustration manifest themselves in my anger at the world.
Ah yes. As if losing my pregnancies wasn't impossible enough, I now worry about my relationships that are suffering.
My son. My perfect beautiful miracle. How does one remain a good mother through suffering like this? I have been a horrible mother lately. Getting through, but only going through the motions. And getting beyond frustrated with tantrums and whining and other completely normal 2 year old behavior. It's not fair to him, and I hate it.
And my marriage. It's rough. My husband lost his father this year. I've lost 3 babies in 6 months. We are each trying to grieve and should be supporting each other. And we are struggling with that significantly.
I am so ready to curl up in a ball and give up. How much more can I possibly fucking take?
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