Major Panic/Anxiety Attack - Time to Call the Doctor

First of all - yikes Blogger! What on Earth is this new dashboard? Ick! It's horrible . . .

As I clearly had no problem expressing, the two week wait in the last cycle was really hard for me. Physically (from the progesterone) and emotionally (who knows from what). And now the last couple days, I feel like I am having one big panic attack. What do I do about putting my toddler into school? What do I do about our nanny? What if I lose my job in August? What if my nanny quits before I have a plan? What if I end up staying at home and am not cut out to stay at home? What if I screw up my child? What if we get pregnant again? What if we don't? And no matter what I do, I can not keep every effing thought from racing through my head so fast that I feel like I can't breathe. I am just waiting for my husband to get home so someone can hug me while I cry.

My son is 2, this is nothing that will alter his life as a human being. If I put him in school and get rid of our nanny he will be fine. If I lose my job and we have to get rid of our nanny he will be fine. If our nanny quits and I don't have a plan he will be fine. If everything stays the exact same for another year and he doesn't go to school in 2012 he will be fine.

Then there is the jogging stroller. Yes, a panic attack over a jogging stroller. Should I buy it? Should I not buy it? If I buy it and don't use it, I will be mad. If I don't buy it, then there is no way I can exercise outside until my husband gets home from work (which is usually too late). What if I buy it and want to use it and the kid hates riding in it? IT'S JUST A FUCKING JOGGING STROLLER. I SHOULD NOT FEEL SO ANXIOUS ABOUT SUCH A STUPID DECISION.

And don't get me started on the photography business that requires a million decisions.

I think I need to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. It is not normal to feel this way. Not normal at all. :(