Hi, and welcome. This blog has changed a bit recently. My husband and I fought through 4 consecutive losses to get our second healthy child (born in December 2012) . . . and while we had not shut the door on the idea of another pregnancy, we certainly were leaning in that direction. On August 8, 2014, we found out we are pregnant for the 7th time. A total surprise. So the neurotic journey continues . . . third child or fifth loss . . . I'm scared and confused and just a teensy bit excited . . .

Monday, June 4, 2012

Life/Pregnancy with RPL

This weekend was a pretty rough one physically for me.  I hugged the toilet multiple times and last night after fixing dinner for my family I went and laid down on our bed and cried my eyes out for about 15 minutes.  Too sick to do anything other than cry.  (My mom was in town, or I wouldn't have even bothered making dinner.)  I finally was able to pull myself together and eat a few bites of the meal.  Evenings are much worse for me than mornings.  Every night I lay in bed and convince myself that if I just mentally suppress the nausea for long enough, I'll be able to finally fall asleep.  This has been taking me over an hour or two at night to get to sleep.

So when the alarm went off this morning, the very first thing I thought was, "Hmmm.  I didn't get up to pee last night."  As I step out of bed to go to the bathroom the second thing I think, "WTF?  My boobs don't feel like they were punched in my sleep."  And as I slowly wake up this morning and try to get into the Monday morning groove, I am obsessed with one nagging and constant thought, "I don't feel sick yet today."

And those three things in combination are making me completely fucking neurotic right now.  I am going to try the absolute best I can to take advantage of feeling good to get some real work done this morning.  I was so sick last week that for hours on end I would just stare at my computer trying to get through the day.  I fell behind on some stuff that is going to bite me in the rear if I don't catch up on it asap.  So wish me luck that after spending a few hours on work that I will be hugging the toilet again.  Because if my sickness doesn't come back really really soon then I'm going to probably lose my mind.

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